A Blossom Withered
by TobisSenpai
Summary: The Fourth Shinobi War has ended years ago. Despite being a hero and arguably the most powerful Kunochi in the world, everyone ignores Sakura. The rest of Team 7 is endlessly celebrated, but Sakura is treated as just another faceless medic. Will Sakura retain her sanity? Has she ever even had it? What happens when she finally leaves the village that belittles her behind?
1. Chapter 1

**AN:**

 **I typically write the chapters in a couple hours, so even though they are short, I will be updating frequently. The cover image is Sakura's new desert look. I will post a better quality link on my profile.**

It has been a few years since the Fourth Shinobi War has ended. Kakashi became the rokudaime Hokage. Naruto is famous and renowned around the world and is more or less diligently preparing for his role as the Kakashi's predecessor. Sasuke, of course, has left again, but everyone, particularly the civilians, refers to him has their "shadowed hero." No one looks at me. They don't see me.

I work long shifts at the hospital everyday. A bland, monotone routine. Just going through the motions, I hardly feel like a person anymore. Nothing changes. Everyday is the same. Wake up. Clean up. Double-shift at the hospital. Eat food. Go to sleep.

Kakashi will not even assign me missions anymore. Just like before, he does not think I can do anything. How did I not prove myself?! I fought beside them. I played an essential role. I am no less a hero than they are. Kakashi and Naruto would have died before Kaguya even appeared had it not been for me. I was on the front lines just the same as them. I am no less a hero than any of them. Why did Kakashi of all people have to become Hokage? The person who thinks the absolute least of me.

I do not even have the hope of waiting this out. After Kakashi's reign is Naruto. Naruto will no sooner release me onto the field than our ex-sensei. He feels this pathetic need to protect my fragile little body from the world.

I crave battle. I crave conflict. (Why else would I fall in love with the most difficult man in the world?) Most of all I crave the feeling of warm, fresh blood between my fingers. I care not for that of the obese diabetic who has knowlingly destroyed his body. I want the blood of a shinobi in the peak shape of his life. I want to be the cause of the damage –of the gore. I desire it to be mine. For all the bodies I have repaired, I want to match in bodies I have destroyed. I need that balance.

Who knows, perhaps I have just lost it. Perhaps I have just gone insane. I wonder when it happened. What started my fall into sadism? Am I just a psychopath? A sociopath? I remain unsure. All I know anymore is that I have to leave. I can no longer stay in this village that stifles me. That prevents me from achieving my most basic goals.

The village ignores me anyways. No one loves me. No one adores me. No one celebrates me. No one fears me. In their eyes, I am still helpless. I am overshadowed by my peers around me. They do not even offer me half the respect as they did my shishou –a woman I know I have long since surpassed. In their eyes, I am barely more than the average medic. I am the person they call on when someone they actually value is hopelessly damaged. I am the medic they expect to heal them, but even when I perform miracles before their eyes, they hardly spare me the passing glance.

Perhaps they would look at me if I reveal just how far I have fallen. Maybe they will look at me if I am a threat. When I am harming the village they hold so dearly. The village they love. The village that has all but forgotten me.

If no one loves me, I will have them hate me. Just like my long since dead parents. When they were alive, they avoided me like the plague. Maybe they somehow knew that I would turn into a monster, but even that would not justify what they did to a young child. I joined the ninja academy because I wanted them to tell me they were concerned for my safety. I wanted them to tell me that they were actually concerned for my life. They never did. When I left for long missions, I would wait for them to tell me to be careful, for them to tell me to stay safe. Those words never came just like they never do. I swear they were disappointed everytime I returned. After I told them about the Land of Waves mission and all my brushes with death, they did not even react. My father immediately returned to reading his paper. How stereotypical. I, a twelve year old newly genin, was placed in a life threatening situation against A-ranked missing nins and a crime lord, and my own parents did not care. A normal mother and father would have been furious. A normal mother and father would have gone to the Hokage and demanded that Kakashi be punished for not valuing the safety of their child enough to turn back after the first attack. This is when I decided that I was alone with them. I just decided to make them notice me by reminding them of the power I had over them. My civilian parents deserved no better. I would twirl my kunai during breakfast. I would shoot them glares as cold as those Sasuke gave me in my youth. It felt nice to have someone finally recognize me as a true ninja. When I left my house, I, however, was still complacent in my weakness. The other people in the village have not yet crossed the same line my parents had, but now they have.

The village gates have never looked so attractive before. The forest that awaits me has never looked so inviting. I have been eyeing them for a few months now. Finally it is time to move towards them.

As I pass the small guard station, Izumo mechanically asks "What is your business?" as required for all shinobi leaving without a mission scroll in hand.

I respond with a warm smile that puts Sai's to shame, "Just gathering some medical herbs nearby."

With a brief nod, he finds my answer acceptable and records it in the daily log. If I am successful in my objective, that lie will be the amusing beginning of the treason against my former home.

I find it hard not to snicker at Kotetsu and Izumo's ignorance. They likely assume the pack on my back is filled with foraging supplies and herb containers. Little do they know that it is filled to the brim with storage scrolls. Most of the scrolls I have prepared contain weapons and enough supplies to keep me going until I find an efficient enough system to support myself, but one scroll is different. One scroll contains several others. Village secrets, forbidden jutsu, the medical files on every active shinobi in the Hidden Village. They were mostly obtained through others overlooking me. Everyone just assumes that the pretty little pink-haired girl is not capable of harm or maliciousness. I will admit, Tsunade's choice to give me such unlimited access was less patronizing and more selfish. She did not want to due the work of hokage herself and often shoved it off on me. In order for me to do it, it only made since to give me higher clearance than an ANBU Captain. At least I do not have to worry about betraying her –she passed on now anyways. The one person here who saw value in me is gone due to the excessive use of her yin seal.

My current research project is aimed at correcting that flaw, and the data is promising. Naruto allowed me to extensively study the regenerative properties of the Kyuubi's chakra. He found it amusing that I found myself a little "pet project" to keep me occupied. He felt as if he was humoring me. He feels as if my aim for power is a silly little hobby. Soon he will realize how wrong he has been. With my limited knowledge of Chiyo's resurrection jutsu, I am close to an answer. I am on the edge of a breakthrough and it feels amazing. I have already managed to refine the yin seal more carefully than Tsunade allowing me to minimize the amount of aging with each use, and I know that very soon I will stop the aging all together. I have no doubts.

Once I am a suitable distance away from the village –past the sight of the standard ANBU patrols, I end my leisurely stroll and hop into the trees with a passion I have not experienced in years. With the distance between me and the village that has belittled me growing, I murmur under my breath

"Fuck you, Kakashi."


	2. Chapter 2

Unless I am particularly unlucky, I probably have at least a few days before they notice I am missing. None of my previous friends ever seek me out anymore. I guess my depression and irritability was just too much for them. Maybe I just never really mattered to them.

Ino and Sai used to be the only reliable pain-in-the-asses I had left. The were the only thing in my life to take me away from miserable reality of my apartment and the hospital. Even though most of the emotion felt around them were annoyance and irritation, at least I was feeling something again. Around them I still felt like a human being.

Ino would always barge into my home demanding that I remove my granny panties and the stick up my ass so I could go out with her. She demanded that I made room for fun in my now dismal life. Usually I ended up complying after my routine outright refusal. Most of my opposition was just for show because her presence always managed to break me out of the sad trance that has taken over my life. Our fake fights and her endless stream of gossip ended up giving me much of the attention I so desperately needed. The attention I deserved. The lack of male attention I received even at the skankiest of clubs with her was always disheartening and did not help my mental situation, but the time spent with someone who says my name, who looks me in the eyes did help.

Sai was a slightly different situation than Ino. He was, of course, still painfully irritation, but he showed more reliance on me. I felt like I was less replaceable to him. Even though Ino has been my bestfriend for more than half of my life, I imagined it would me much more difficult for Sai to just kick me to the curb. I am one of the first people he was able to make any kind of bond with. I am one of the few. Sai also had a nasty habit of breaking into my apartment unannounced, but at least it meant that he wanted to see me. The two intruders who constantly invaded my privacy were the only people to visit my apartment in over a year. I rarely could bring myself to complain about the break ins because without them, who else would I have? Sai's visits usually involved questions about social protocol. He would ask questions and present some hypotheses with textual evidence, and I would take the time to answer, explain, and demonstrate proper execution so he didn't run around town experimenting on uninformed subjects. If I was asleep when he came by, he would often still let himself into my window sit down to wait for me to wake up. I tried explaining to him that it is not socially acceptable –in fact it is downright creepy, but he cited one of his books saying "social boundaries between the closest of friends dissolve." It meant so much to me that I did not have the heart to ask him to stop. It meant so much to me that someone cared that much about me.

Unfortunately, my two anchors to sanity vanished the moment they spent a night together. As soon as Ino and Sai began hooking up I never saw them again. Apparently they fell in love. I could hear the nurses in the hospital attributing Ino's missing shifts to the new guy she spends night and day holed up with in her bed with. I inwardly begged for their honeymoon phase to end. I begged for them to have not forgotten about me like everyone else. As the months gradually ticked by, I realized they were no better than the others. I never saw them again.

Now that the only way that Kohona will realize I am gone is if some seemingly untreatable patient comes into the hospital, I have time. When one of Kakashi's valued field agentscomes in paralyzed from the waist down planning to be healed by the girl –the woman- everyone takes for granted, they will finally realize they lost me. I can imagine it now: Kakashi's anger at my selfish disappearance. I bet that he attributes it to some unauthorized vacation. He would certainly be fuming at the idea that I am spending time valuing myself over the hospital. They feel like they own me. My medical ability is not my own. Haruno Sakura is not the best medic in the world to them. To them Kohona just has the best medical care in the world. I am no more my own person than a blood pressure monitor. Kohona no longer claims me. Kohona claims my medical ability and nothing me. I can shatter mountains with my fist alone, yet they view me as no more than a tube of magical ointment.

Once they do realize I am missing, one of two things will happen. Either they will assume I will come back soon to cater to their every will or they will send out a team to try and fetch me from whatever bathhouse resort they assume I am vacationing at.

I do not want to be too presumptuous, but I can almost guarantee they will not even consider the idea of me going rogue until they receive blatant reports of a pink haired girl chopping off heads. It may seem odd, but I am actually anxious to get into some more bingo books. Despite being listed as an S-Rank in the updated books I am already in, I get the feeling that Kakashi is going to stupidly list me as an A-Rank threat. That is until I take out a few of his precious ANBU squads.

Sadly, I will have to be subtle in my crimes. If I cause too much trouble for Kohona, he may call Sasuke back to come take care of me. While I am confident in my ability to easily evade Naruto, Sasuke is a significantly more dangerous threat. If it came to it, he would kill me without a second thought.

When Naruto finds out about my defection, he will certainly get his ramen-themed panties in a twist about "bringing his teammate home again" even though he has barely spoken to me in months. Thankfully Naruto is still stupid and I am not nearly as valuable to him or the village as Sasuke –their precious last Uchiha. If Naruto manages to find me, he will undoubtedly underestimate me. He would not be able to bring himself to kill me anyways, and I have more than enough tricks up my sleeve to evade capture. Believe it or not, I am a smart little girl.

I plan to avoid the Land of Fire at all costs until the initial shock of my disappearance has calmed down. Staying out of Kohona's territory should keep the hunter nins off my trail for awhile. Outside of Fire, I am less recognizable anyways. I will be better off if my crimes are commited by a faceless wanderer.

With a prolonged, inexplicable absence, eventually they will likely assume that I was kidnapped for some medical purposes and up the search priority. If they choose to deeply investigate the matter, recovery teams will likely be sent out to nations littered with hostile factions. Nations on poor political terms with Kohona will likely be under suspect, but the Nations Kohona has deemed worthy of a strong political alliance will be free of accusation. To me, the choice is obvious. Hiding in the Land of Wind is the best option for my circumstances. The only Suna shinobi that would recognize me are the sand siblings and medics. Since I plan to avoid the main village for awhile, I do not have to be too worried about seeing them. Until I am officially labeled as a missing nin, Suna patrols will have no reason to stop me.

Due to the harsh environment of the Land of Wind, there are so few factions that Kohona will not likely send many teams here. Large groups of shinobi on the run do not tend to fair well in a desert.

Staying in Wind will also make tracking me much more difficult. Kohona's primary method of long distance tracking is through scent trails. The wind and sand alone would be enough to hinder the search, but as a precaution I changed my soaps as well. I was quite attached to my shampoo even though Pakkun used it as well, but it was a small sacrifice to pay in order to avoid the tracking hounds from Leaf. Kohona's hunter nins are not very renown anyways. They could not even track down a 13 year old child. Normally the squads have Inuzuka and occasionally a Hyuuga among the ranks. Without many long range sensors, I am not too concerned with being found for now. Nevertheless I have begun changing my chakra signature. They naturally evolve over time, but through delicate pathway manipulation, I should be able to rapidly speed up the process. If I happen to end up in close proximity to one of my old acquaintances, I would like the opportunity to remain hidden if I please.

ooooooooooo

Passing the border into Wind under the guise of a civilian was pathetically easy. The chuunin monitoring the main road did not even ask for any identification. I spent the time adjusting my own to that of a civilian's for nothing since I will have to make a Wind identification card to match the adjustments in my appearance once I settle in anyways.

The first merchant village along the desert road should be an appropriate place to begin my transformation. The harsh climate of the desert will require a few adjustments to my wardrobe and waiting to purchase them until I reached a place that actually required such clothing was more practical than hoping Fire Country's supplies were sufficient. The sun, sand and wind would not be tolerable for long increments of time in my current clothing.

Thankfully the village closest to the border was a suitable size to offer enough variety in apparel that I will be able to find something closer to my tastes. Sunagakure residents may swear by their loose, baggy clothes, but I do not think I will be able to effectively fight in such. I am so used to the sleek, fitting manner of my clothes that the light brushes of looser clothes against my skin makes me falsely anticipate attacks. Plenty of Suna shinobi have opted for tighter clothes as well anyways. I am confident enough in my ability to regulate my body heat just as I am confident enough in my ability to increase my metabolism at will to rid alcohol from my system. I am a skilled enough medic to do as I please with my body.

As I shift through the clothing, I find quite a few pieces that suit my needs. Black spandex pants that appear to just be a full length version of my standard shorts, a sleek dark sleeveless shirt, and a light blue wrap to place around my shoulders. The long pants will keep any kicked up sand off my legs. The wrap when placed around my shoulders will protect my neck and upper torso from the sun, during a sandstorm it would be an efficient filter for my nose and mouth, and when needed I can pull it over myself to hide my identity.

I've grown rather attached to my slit skirt and opted to buy some dye for it instead to have it better match my ensemble. My weapons and packs are standard enough that they do not need replacement. I do need to make sure I have some makeup to cover my yin seal. The only real change that I have to make that I am opposed to is my hair. There is no way to justify keeping the ridiculous color when I am trying to stay unnoticed. Any reports or gossip of a pink haired woman will immediately point pursuers to me. The only other person I have ever met with pink hair was my father and even his was darker than my bubblegum shade. While I don't have to make myself unrecognizable, I just have to make myself look normal. Extreme identifying features such as pink hair are unfortunately a big no no when you're on the run. The shade I settled on did not differ /too/ much from my original color. I want to be able to look in the mirror without a giant shock every time, so strawberry blonde will have to do. I grabbed a couple boxes of the product for reapplications since I do not know just how long I will need to stay here. With a color so subtly different from my own, I don't have to be paranoid about my roots showing.

Finding an available inn did not prove to be very difficult. A simple one on the edge of town offered the lodging that I require. After a short, cold shower, I, mentally preparing for the change, sigh as I look into the mirror at my signature pink locks. I run my hand through the damp hair as I temporarily say goodbye to my unique color. Although I probably did not need it, the cheapest brand included the bleach with the color so it was a single process. That probably speaks little for the quality of the product, but I am not looking for perfect, beautiful color. The goopy mixture smelled awful as I spread it through my hair with my fingers and a small comb. Having to sit through the smell for an hour was tedious. No matter how long I was exposed to it, it didn't seem to get any better. When the timer rang, rinsing it off my head was more pleasing than scrubbing off the dirt and sweat after a long mission. I went ahead and cut my hair as well. I left it around shoulder length and the fringy bangs reaching my eyes, but I staggered some harsh cuts up the left side of the hair. The end gave my previously depressing cut a new edge. A new change that I much more happily accepted.

A kunai to my hair has always made me feel more empowered.

oooooooooooooooo

I spent a few days in the merchant village. The in suited my needs well. The innkeeper was friendly but didn't ask any questions. It was clean enough and cheap enough. I need to stretch my money as far as I can in order to stay off the radar as long as possible. If I start taking even off the book jobs, Suna's ANBU might start investigating me. I know I can easily shake off any ANBU squad in a forest, but in this god forsaken desert those shinobi have the natural advantage. If I somehow slip up one too many times and end up in Sand's custody, I at least know I can call up quite a few favors.

I alone saved Kankurou's –the Kazekage's brother's– life five years ago. Their medical team was completely inadequate even though Suna prides themselves as being the poison experts. If I had not fought alongside their elder Chiyo, she would have never survived in the bitter battle with her grandchild. If she didn't live, no one would have been able to breathe life into Gaara's cold corpse. The Kazekage has many times thanked me and brought up his immense debt to me for that one mission alone. Even Suna's council is knowingly indebted to me because of my role in that mission. From everything I have heard, the value the Fourth Kazekage's bloodline as much as a rare and powerful Kekkai Genkai. Losing Temari to Leaf enraged them. Since I directly and indirectly saved two of the siblings lives, they cannot just ignore me.

My good blood with the Sandy village doesn't end with the lives I saved as a fifteen year old girl. Two years ago I volunteered to spend six months in Suna to train their medics and to organize their healthcare system. Kakashi agreed to my request only because he thought it would further strengthen the alliance. Although Gaara has a strong devotion to Leaf, their elder council was still blatantly bitter about the disparity. Before I arrived, I knew their hospital was substandard with their techniques, but I didn't realize just how little they knew. I caught quite a few medics before they almost killed patients because of their ignorance. After a couple months spent harassing the incompetent medical workers, I had molded them into professional, successful workers. I had to create a chain of authority and appointed my more capable apprentices to supervise the others. At that point I was able to stop watching their every moves and instead focus on daily technique lessons. I assigned readings and had a few research seminars. At that point, I was able to spend time discussing the restructure with Gaara. Together we designed a functional budget, and I discussed the necessary equipment and supply upgrades. Since the Medic Chief was ultimately his appointment, I offered my suggestions and spent time explaining each one's strengths and weaknesses. By the time I had to leave, the mortality rates of the hospital had dropped by 60%. It was rather nice spending time with the Sand Siblings professionally and casually. They respected me and liked my company. Hell, one day after a large amount of sake in both our parts, Gaara and I had quite a bit of fun on the Kazekage desk.

Maybe if things had turned out differently, if I had not ended up so bitter, if I decided I had to leave sooner before I lost control, I could have begged Kakashi to let me relocate to Suna. Hidden Villages do not take defection lightly. Sunagakure would have put the alliance at risk if they accepted me without permission. Bakashi would never let me go anyways. He "owns" my medical talent. But if I stayed in Suna maybe I would have never realized the extent to which I hate Kohona. I may have never seen just how much everyone walks over me. Now I am too devoted to crushing those who have crushed me.

I will certainly do my best to avoid harming any Suna shinobi in the meantime. If I want their help, I cannot be seen as a threat to their village or country. Fear sounds louder than appreciation. It is the struggle Gaara has been attempting to overcome his entire career as Kazekage. If I manage to keep Suna as an ally, it will strongly benefit the future of my plans. Political power has always been more powerful than brute strength.

Sasuke was too young to realize that when he left in search of Orochimaru. Staying an ally to a major Hidden Village such as Kohona would have given him more access to the resources for rational vengeance. If he worked up the ranks, soon he would have had access to all of Itachi's records. His brother's files included detailed reports on his fighting styles and his general motivations. Unfortunately, Itachi's mangekyou sharingan matured too close to his defection to be recorded, but Sasuke could have accessed the records of his predecessors. Danzo has large amounts of research done on how to fight and counter different manifestations of the sharingan. Sasuke would have learned both defensive and offensive techniques. Infinite tsukonomi and Amaterasu are not unique to Itachi. They are relatively common main branch manifestations.

If he learned how to manipulate the system and was smart enough to objectively analyze his brother, he also may have realized Itachi's true motivations sooner. His brother and the council failed to cover the reports of tension with the clan and the village. They did not hide Itachi's psychological examination from when he joined ANBU. The mind scan was thorough in recording his philosophy and mental state. The boy valued the village and peace. His actions as a shinobi were justified utilitarianly. If he was mentally unstable and merely hungered for blood, they would have never allowed the eleven year old boy into ANBU. He was more stable than the majority of even seasoned adults. No one ever obsessed over Itachi enough to put the pieces together. They didn't look into his files, but Sasuke would have had he stayed. An irrational thirteen year old boy failed to rationally examine his situation. He was too jealous of Naruto to appropriately plan.

I do admire Orochimaru now though. The snake sannin did nearly everything right. He stayed in the village and manipulated its resources as long as he could. He maintained his relationships and attachments to political powers –the Hokage, his sensei– in order to protect himself when the time inevitably came. He associated himself with the dark, selfish power of Kohona, Danzo, because he was confident he could manipulate and maintain it even when he left. He would still have some control over the village even as a missing nin. Over the years he stealthily gathered both knowledge and power. Orochimaru saw the value in other people. He recruited subordinates and understood that their loyalty became his own power. What they accomplished still belonged to him.

Sasuke was young, selfish and stupid. He wasn't able to see the power in other people without feeling the need to squash it. He was immature. While his choice to make Team Taka showed strategic development, he didn't fully utilize it.

Orochimaru understood the world so well, he even created a Hidden Village to give him influence, power and money. He seduced the Fourth Kazekage in order to use Sand's superior military strength. He was able to accept that something was better than him and that he needed it. Since the need was temporary and he desired full control, he even assassinated their leader and discretely took his place.

Orochimaru allied himself with Danzo in the affair because they both desired the same immediate goal. They needed the sandaime dead to continue their plans. Orochimaru realized with Danzo in power, he would also have significantly more power over the Hidden Leaf. The path he chose of course would make him and Otogakure enemies with Sunagakure –murdering a Kage tends to do that, but the battle would take out so many of Suna's forces that the sand village would be crippled anyways. A crippled enemy is little to fear in exchange for partial control of a village as powerful as Kohona. Sunagakure would not have the capacity to declare war against borne Kohona and Oto which would then force Suna to accept even less favorable treaties than before.

While I admire him in hindsight, I personally would not be able to achieve my goal in the exact manner he has. Orochimaru is more chaotic and inhumane than I could ever be. I have my own plans, but tend to avoid mass slaughter and war unless necessary.

However, before I begin manipulating large scale political systems, I want to have a little more personal power. I plan to evolve my gun seal and master a few more of the rare, forbidden techniques I have been dabbling with. I never knew how much I admired the nidiame hokage until I found his personal jutsu scrolls. Disappointingly many of the techniques require vast chakra reserves that I simply do not have, but quite a few valuable ones require delicate control and swift, analytical thinking –my specialties. A certain space time has been calling my name since the Fourth Shinobi War. I have practiced it a few times discretely, but since I planned to defect, I did not want any future enemies to be prepared for my possession of the technique. From my initial dabbles, I have deduced that I actually do possess the rare affinity for the technique. My extensive studies of seals and summoning has vastly increased my chances of successfully mastering it. Mastery of the Flying Thunder God technique would be a game changer. From what I have witnessed in the war, it can even be used as an effective counter for even the most advanced sharingan although the rinnegan would be a different story. My current level of skill with the technique will at least provide me with a reasonable means of escape should I counter Sasuke in a poorly matched fight.

 **AN:**

 **I typically write the chapters in a couple hours, so even though they are short, I will be updating frequently. The cover image is Sakura's new desert look. I will post a better quality link on my profile. This is my first story and I have big plans for it! Please Read and Review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**WARNING: Kakashi bashing. The important plot points will be at the bottom if you don't want to read Kakashi hate.**

At four in the morning, the gatekeepers see an all too familiar sight. A member of a rapidly approaching ANBU squad is clutching a limp body with a bloody coating even visible in the sparse moonlight. The cradled shinobi must still be fighting for his life since standard procedures require all corpses to be sealed in scrolls when being transported into the village.

Even in this time of peace between the great nations, shinobi still continue to fall at remarkably young ages. In this career path, twenty might as well be considered middle-aged. The life style prematurely sucks out the joys and ignorance of youth anyways. Even genin are quickly exposed to more physical and emotional trauma than the average citizen is their entire life. At least being a shinobi pays well.

The harsh fluorescent lights bouncing off the stark white walls of the ICU are blinding in comparison to the dark night outside. Despite being in a slight daze as he adjusts to the harsh light and sterile smell that brings back so many tragic memories, the ANBU captain has dropped off enough comrades to mechanically hand off his subordinate's fragile body to the appropriate nurses. As soon as the medics disappear with him around a corner, the captain takes his leave in order to prepare his report for the Hokage as soon as rapidly as possible.

ooooooooooo

Kakashi has never had an easy time sleeping after Obito's death. He considered himself lucky if he managed to get even five hours at night. His insomnia grew even worse after he killed Rin. Every time he fell asleep he'd see his hand ripping through her chest in his nightmares. After a decade or two he finally managed to obtain an almost healthy amount of sleep each night until he was appointed Hokage.

His daily workload has increased so dramatically that when he collapses face first into the hard wooden desk from exhaustion, that's likely the only bit of rest he can manage to snag for the day. The longer he spent in charge, the more he envied the Kazekage. The kid doesn't have to sleep at all. Being a Kage would be ridiculously easier if sleep wasn't a living requirement.

Tsunade managed to balance her role by shoving off most of her work on her apprentices, but the silver-haired man can trust no one to that extent. Every piece of information even in the more trivial documents has the potential for being used for the wrong purposes. The few people whom he trusts their loyalty completely happen to be much to incompetent at their current maturity levels. Neither Gai nor Naruto would be capable of or doing the paperwork correctly enough to ensure the village doesn't burst into flames. It's going to take a few more years at least until Naruto actually absorbs the lessons on Hokage preparation.

Kakashi is aware that he has significant trust issues, but he feels that every rational should. In his opinion, most of Kohona's shinobi force are much too open with their hearts, but that is one of the defining features of the village he has vowed to protect.

The loud squeak of a window opening jerks Kakashi awake. Sitting up straight and alert, his full attention is on the ANBU politely in front of him.

With a small quirk of his eyebrow, Kakashi speaks first, "You chose an interesting hour for a visit, Hamaku-san."

"Hokage-sama," the ANBU bows lightly, "I apologize for the intrusion. I did not realize you would already be in. I had planned to await your arrival."

Kakashi looks down at the wooded desk that had been bringing him such comfort and lets out a light sigh before refocusing on the captain in front of him. "It must be important. Go ahead."

He nods in compliance. "We were ambushed on our return near the Eastern border. The attack was brief and the perpetrator was not seen by any of our conscious men. Due to the squad formation, there was significant distance between each member. We are unaware of any possible motives. Since the attacker seemed to be acting alone and quickly fled the scene after his first strike, only one of us had been injured. However, despite the wounds being superficial, the poison has left him in critical condition."

The corner of Kakashi's mouth turns down at the news. "Who?"

"Shiranui Genma."

A deep scowl forms behind his mask. His classmate and close friend's death should not be the result of such a cowardly attack. The enemy just ran off afterwards refusing to even stay and fight. The opponent or whoever the shinobi is working for must be a substantial threat to be using a poison that ANBU has not developed a resistance against yet.

Could it be an assassination? He can't think of any reason that Genma would be targeted. Maybe he slept with some crime lords daughter? The man is a sexual deviant, but Kakashi doesn't think he's that level of idiotic. The situation seems to sloppy to point to a specific assassination attempt. If someone really wanted Genma dead, the rational method would be when he's in the village. Waiting until he's on a mission would mean his guard is up. Waiting until he's on an ANBU mission just seems careless. The man would be masked and surrounded by elite shinobi.

"What did the hospital have to say about his condition?"

"I did not stay long enough to know."

"Then we need to go get updated."

Kakashi pulls himself out of his chair and has to resist a groan when his leg muscles are strained from the movement. The lack of sleep is really catching up to him.

Without a misstep, the Hokage exits the office through the door followed by the ANBU operative.

ooooooooooo

"We- we can't identify it! The symptoms don't match any of the poisons we have encountered before and standard antidote manufacturing procedures don't work. There's nothing else we can do except try administering every antidote we have on stock in staggered intervals and hope for the best." The small medics voice is filled with anxiety as she has to explain the unfortunate situation to the Hokage himself.

His eyes widen a fraction, "Sakura can't figure it out?"

"She's not here. She should be on duty right now, but she hasn't showed up for any of her shifts in a week. We've tried looking for her, but no one has seen her."

He tenses slightly with irritation and tries to keep his voice from raising. "While I go find the little brat, start general poison extraction technique to get the majority of it out of his system."

She looks down to the floor, "None of us can do it. Sakura is the only one in the village with the chakra control required to avoid ripping the tissue now that both Tsunade and Shizune are gone."

He typically prides himself on his ability to maintain a facade of complete passiveness, but seeing his drinking body seizing in pain appearing to be on the edge of death, is enough to break it. His jaw clenches tightly and his fists are so tight his knuckles are white.

What does that girl think is more important than her only damn job? What stupid, childish indulgence than saving the lives of her fellow citizens?

He growls slightly as he leaves the room to put his anger into finding his ex-student quickly. The girl has grown significantly more disrespectful and spiteful over the years. She even had the audacity to begin threatening him if he didn't start placing her on missions again. When he once again refused, she broke his desk in half and left through the window looking like she was on the edge of murder.

A couple years ago she even dropped the suffixes when using his name, but not in the endearing, intimate way. Every time he hears her say his name, she practically spits it out with resentment. He swears he can hear her say "Bakakashi" under her breath when she leaves his office in a huff.

She was in no position to demand missions from him. Her duty as a medic is her only responsibility. He felt no need to encourage her vanity as a kunochi. What would he use her for anyways? Creating giant craters for artificial ponds? She might've been an ANBU medic under Tsunade's reign, but he did not carry her over to the ANBU under his direct control even though the successor typical carries over all ANBU.

He doesn't need her out on the field, and she doesn't have the personality to handle ANBU anyways. The pink haired girl is no killer. She's so emotionally weak it's pitiful. She cracks too easily. She cannot handle the pain, and he's sure of it.

Typically he avoids talking to the brat as much as possible, but he's beyond pissed at her most recent display of irresponsibility. At least if he finds her alone, he won't have to worry about anyone listening in on their conversation. He doesn't need anyone else thinking such insubordination is acceptable. The way she addresses him is shamefully hateful.

The girl should be looking up to him in admiration like she did when he was her sensei. He saved the incompetent kunochi's life several times when she was a genin. He still is quite obviously the superior shinobi. He's the damn Hokage. While it isn't exactly his dream job, the people who wanted him to accept it meant everything to him. They idolized the position because it meant people would finally respect them.

Why does Sakura feel entitled to act so insubordinately when all she's just a sad medic without influence on anyone?

ooooooooooo

After two hours of diligent searching, Kakashi is beyond fed up. With a bite of his thumb and some chakra, a small puff of smoke appears in front of him.

"What's up, Kakashi?" Pakkun says as he glances around to see if there's a fight going on.

"I need your help finding Sakura. She must be hiding somewhere."

"Can do." He sniffs a few times and begins heading towards town with Kakashi close behind. "The smell is pretty faint though." He says as they move receiving only a small nod from his summoner.

ooooooooooo

"Huh, well this is the highest concentration of her scent in the village. I can check to see if there are any trails outside the village if you want."

Kakashi cannot believe that the only place Pakkun could track her scent to was her completely empty apartment. It seems as if every passing hour he comes to hate her more. What kind of game is she playing? Is this all one big game of hide-in-seek for her? Is she purposely disguising her scent to fuck with him? Is it… is it possible that someone else disguised her scent? While he doesn't think she belongs in the field, he knows the girl can defend herself. It would be impossible for someone to take her against her will, right? He's seen the girl punch people through walls. Heck, she's even landed a punch in his gut that sent him flying halfway across a training field. No normal shinobi should be able to silently steal her away. If she's really gone, something must be really wrong. You would have to be an S-Class criminal to take the girl away without anyone noticing.

With his face in his hands, the man lets out a stressed groan. "Why the hell is this happening when Genma's life is on the line?"

"Girl problems?" Pakkun teases resulting in a sharp glare from Kakashi. "Don't worry, I'll find your runaway bride for ya." Before he can receive the full wrath of his silver-haired friend he decides it's time to head out.

I'll get back to you if I find anything." The little pug says before he jumps out the open window leaving a rather distressed and angry Kakashi behind.

ooooooooooo

Naruto seems to be having a hard time standing still in front of the empty hokage desk. He's in the room with Ino and Sai who seem to be having their own problems. Sai is standing with his full attention towards the desk as if he's being given an ANBU briefing. How could he be so concerned with respect when the man isn't even in the damn room?

Ino on the other hand looks like she's going through withdrawal. She keeps trying to talk to Sai who refuses to give her more than nods of acknowledgement. Naruto could understand having large amounts of respect for some other Hokages, but this is Kakashi! He's so chill about everything! They've been waiting for over an hour, and Sai is still braced for the man to walk in any second.

"Why would he summon us if he's not even here?" The orange-clad ninja whines. It's not like he's actually desperate to get back to having Iruka forcefully shove his face into textbooks, but this is annoying even for Kakashi. How would the man send summons if he's not even in the office?

Sai annoyingly ignores his question, but Ino seems to display a similar level of irritation as Naruto. "I know, right? Like what could he _possibly_ being doing right now that's _so_ freaking important? I was in the middle of doing my hair when I got the supposedly 'URGENT' summon and now my hair just looks like absolute trash!"

"But it looks exactly the same as normal.." Naruto says as he squints to try and find the difference he is missing.

"Ugh. Men are just so stupid sometimes. I bet the reason Sai refuses to talk to me right now is because I just look _so_ awful. I might as well have given up on my appearance like Sakura!"

Before Naruto has the chance to answer, he hears the door open behind them and sees Kakashi enter the room with a slight wave.

"YOU'RE LATE!" He yells just the way he has every time the man has done this to him.

After he shuffles back over to his desk to sit down he begins his routine routine excuse with a crinkle in his eyes and a hand scratching the back of his neck. "Ah, yes. I was trying to help find this lost little girl—"

"LIAR!" Naruto interrupts the excuse with an excusing finger.

With a serious expression in his eyes and a shift to a more serious tone, he says "Unfortunately not this time Naruto. Have any of you seen Haruno Sakura?"

"Sakura-chan?" Naruto says with visible confusion. "Is she actually missing?"

The other blonde looks as confused as Naruto, and Sai has a more contemplative expression on his face.

Kakashi nods, "She hasn't showed up to the hospital in over a week."

"What?!" Ino exclaims. "That stick in the ass never misses her shifts! Normally she tries to work double every day!"

Kakashi's mouth turns down slightly as he looks over the three people he thought were the closest to her. "So none of you have you seen her recently? What about in the past couple weeks? Did she look like she was okay?"

The black haired painter speaks up for the first time. "I do not believe I have been in her presence in at least a couple months."

Ino nods slightly at Sai's response and thinks for a moment before answering. "Actually now that I think about it, I don't think I have either. I've been so busy, I haven't really thought about her."

Kakashi lets out a deep sigh. "And you, Naruto?"

"Huh," he says as he scratches the side of his head with one finger in contemplation. I don't really think I have seen her in months either. I guess I haven't been really hanging out much with her out much anymore now that you ask." Naruto grows quieter the farther he goes in his response. He hadn't realized that he was not spending time with her. He considers her one of his special people but he didn't even realize how long it had been since he asked her how she was doing. He didn't even realize how long it had been since he even talked to her. He used to see her every day, but over the years it seems to have dwindled into basically nothing. He still claims her as his comrade, teammate and close friend, but he hadn't even sparred or trained with her in over a year. The poor girl probably lost her fighting touch with all the time she spends in the hospital.

Kakashi's looks near his breaking point. The deep bags under his eyes and distressed expression in his eyes reveals just how much torment he's going through. "If none of you have seen her, then you're probably not able to tell me if this was planned by her in order to make my life miserable."

Ino looks offended on Sakura's behalf at Kakashi's suggestion. "I know she hates you and everything, but there's no way she would abandon the hospital! She would never let innocent people suffer just to get a rise out of you. She's not that vindictive."

"WAIT. Since when does Sakura-chan hate Kakashi-sensei?"

"I'm not your sensei anymore, Naruto."

"You'll always be our sensei because we'll always be Team 7! She can't hate you! It must just be a misunderstanding."

Sai speaks up again, "I may not be the best at analyzing emotions, but I am 90% confident that Sakura hates Kakashi-sama."

"What about the other 10%?" He asks rather desperately because he wants there to still be a chance that they are still a team.

"There is a 10% chance that their actions are merely a result of suppressing their sexual attraction to each other." He says without a hint of emotion on his face.

Ino has a hand over her mouth and trying in vain to hold back the laughter. She can hardly breathe as she watches the hokage-to-be trying to hold down his vomit. Kakashi looks absolutely disgusted by the suggestion, but Ino can still see a little bit of pink on the tops of his cheeks.

"It's probably a little of that mixed in with the hatred." She adds in. "Even stick up her ass Sakura isn't be able to deny that her ex-sensei is a sexy man." The light hearted smile on her face doesn't falter even with the three men looking at her with a range of unhappy expressions.

"You guys are just gross." Naruto grumbles obviously still resisting the urge to heave.

"Says the man who has obsessed with his Sexy no Jutsu for 15 years." Ino retorts.

"MY REVERSE HAREM JUTSU HELPED SAVE THE WORLD."

At that moment, there's a knock on the door. Kakashi gives them the okay to enter and two medics into the room holding a small vial. "After we started going through Haruno-san's personal antidote collection, we found one that seems to have stabilized his condition." They place the vial down on the desk and he picks it up to examine it. Besides a mildly familiar red diamond on the side, there's no indicator of what the substance is. "What is it?"

"We can't figure it out. The rest of them at least had labels with something written on them."

He nods slightly and continues looking down at the vial in his hand as he dismisses the medics with a wave of his hand. After a few more seconds of contemplation, he looks back to the three shinobi in front of him.

"While I am glad that the immediate problem associated with her disappearance is gone, this cannot be ignored. A woman with Sakura's medical background is very desirable. Since no one has been keeping tabs on her in months, we cannot rule out other reasons, but I plan to take action now in case this does turn out to be a kidnapping. We can't know when one of our own will die because we don't have her help."

Naruto scoffs. "Is that all she is to you? A medical tool? Aren't you at least a little concerned for her as a person? She could be dead right now and you're only thinking about hypothetical deaths of people in the future!"

"If you actually cared about her, you wouldn't have gone _months_ without attempting to see her." It slips out of Kakashi's mouth in a sharp tone before he could stop it. Before he could take it back, he heard the slam of the door behind his old student. Ino and Sai are just looking at Kakashi with a mixture of disgust and bewilderment.

"You may be Hokage, but that was unbelievably stupid." Ino says before leaving the room as well.

Sai stays behind a little longer. "I agree that beginning the investigation for a kidnapping as soon as possible will be the best decision." He bows appropriately and exits the room leaving Kakashi alone with his thoughts

As soon as they leave, he places his head in his hands and groans.

 _What the hell is wrong with me?_

 **AN:**

 **Important events in this Kakashi bashing chapter:**

 **Genma was poisoned and no one in the hospital could create an antidote.**

 **Nurses tell Kakashi that Sakura has not showed up for any of her shifts in over a week.**

 **Enraged Kakashi takes it upon himself to find her.**

 **When he summons Pakkun he discovers Sakura is not in the village.**

 **He gathers Ino, Sai and Naruto figuring that the three would have the best idea of what happened to her.**

 **Kakashi learns that none of them have seen her in months.**

 **The nurses started trying antidotes from Sakura's collection and Genma was stabilized by one with only a mysterious red diamond on the vial.**

 **Kakashi snaps and accuses Naruto of not caring about Sakura.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: I want to be upfront with you guys about the fact that I am not going into this with a clear ship in mind. Things are going to happen, but who knows where they'll end.**

 **I'm going to try and use Sakura's first POV only when I need to describe significant amounts of angst.**

Chapter 4

Sakura can't help but to groan when the next small patch of plants is just as foreign to her as the last. How can she keep up her herb supplies like this? Vegetation is ridiculously scarce, and everything she's seen so far is completely unidentifiable. All of the herbs she saw in Suna's greenhouse five years ago were native to fire country. Is it because they don't have to grow the desert herbs specially? Or is it just because the Land of Wind has been so far behind on medical advancements for the past couple centuries that they never even bothered to figure out how to use their own vegetation?

When she was in Suna, she was able to spend a fair amount of time in their libraries. Even when she was specifically looking for medical knowledge and techniques unique to the desert hardly anything came up. The closest thing she found was for poisons, but she didn't bother reading it since basic herb poisons are almost entirely useless against any shinobi enemy. In hindsight, she should have read the book. Then she would at least have a head start in knowing which of these damn plants are lethal and which might actually accomplish _non-killing_ things. But how would she have known she would be defecting then? And camping out in Wind of all places?

It's possible that they specifically removed their scrolls on the subjects purposefully, but as a diplomatic (or possibly more than diplomatic) gesture Gaara already given her access to the first level of the Kazekage's library. It would be ridiculous to hide something as simple as herbalism documents when she had free reign to read a significant amount of B- and A- ranked Suna jutsu.

Without access to any resources involving their local flora, she'll just have to figure it out for herself. Without a proper lab, the only method really available to her for indexing Wind herbs will be through experimentation. Experimentation that definitely will contradict any ethic codes she agreed to in the past. To find out what's lethal, she's going to need a few test subjects.

There's plenty of dumbass bandits scattered around this part of the country anyways. It'll be more than easy. It'll be fun.

She cant stop the smile that grows on her face as she imagines the violent convulsing of an unsuspecting man. It's more than simple to add whatever she pleases into civilian criminals supplies. She won't even have to disguise the taste since the idiots have no training.

Nonetheless, it still pisses Sakura off to have to bend down and carefully separate all the different vegetation she manages to find. Over 80% of what she finds will likely be completely useless.

Menial labor every day was part of the reason she decided to leave, and now she has been occupying herself for the last week sorting out the different plants, mosses and fungi she's managed to find in this wasteland.

She does admit it's nice to at least be doing _something_ while she has to lay low. Having a purpose is better than just mindlessly wandering the desert waiting out the first round of Kohona panic.

After about eight days, she feels rather satisfied with her small collection. She's found about 200 different species. There are quite a few that she suspects to be significantly lethal, and even more that bear resemblance to Fire medical herbs. She plans to test out their effects on healthy criminals before sick civilians nevertheless.

Killing large groups of bandits is suspicious, but murdering defenseless civilians will be a _little_ more serious.

oooooooooo

Hopefully the Kazekage won't be too upset when he gets the inevitable report of the scene she just left behind. Apparently this herb that was barely distinguishable from regular grass is a gamechanger.

She took the easy route and just mixed it in the tea when the group left their supplies unguarded. Whatever-the-herb-is-called takes about three minutes to take effect. By the time bodies started falling, the whole group had already had one sip too many.

Altogether there's about twenty bodies with foam around their mouths and desperate scratches along their necks. It's quite the interesting sight to see. After they began to choke, most subjects began clawing at their throats. About three of them successfully managed to pull off large chunks of their own skin. It is a shame she couldn't stick around longer to appreciate it.

The grass is not a very subtle method, but it does put on quite the show. Sakura's thinking of calling it "Tsume Grass."

Soon some villager is going to stumble upon her masterpiece and spread the word. If she's anywhere around here, it will be a real nuisance to evade any investigating shinobi. At least she can scour new grounds for more of the _artistic_ material.

oooooooooo

oooooooooo

The Kazekage is sitting at his desk going through D-Rank mission requests. Since they are by far the cheapest missions, they are the most abundant.

He sorts them into three piles: accept, reject, and show Kankuro.

Clean up a woman's filing cabinet. Accept.

Destroy their neighbor's antique collection. Reject.

Clean the sand off her house (which is made of sand). Show Kankuro.

He and his brother enjoy reading the more absurd requests to lighten the day. Some of the civilians don't quite understand how this works.

He plans to do sort these for a few hours before moving on to another one of the seemingly _endless_ stacks of paper around him. Gaara swears that his council found a way to give him even more paperwork than the average Kage since they know he doesn't need to.

But now that Shukaku's gone, he'd at least like tohave the opportunity to _try_ sleeping.

Thinking about the subject elicits a sigh from Gaara. He places his fingers on the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes in attempt to prevent the headache thinking about the council typically causes.

Suddenly, without so much as a knock, a black-hooded puppet master pushes himself into his office and casually tosses a message scroll to him, "What's up, little bro?"

He catches the scroll with ease, and places it down on his desk before returning his attention to Kankuro. Gaara's expression remains unchanged by his brother antics.

"You know, I _am_ the Kazekage."

"Oh, my apologies," he gives a sarcastic bow with a smirk on his face. "Little bro-sama."

Gaara rolls his eyes as his brother walks over to his desk to grab the pile of paper designated for his entertainment. "Is this the new batch of ridiculous D-rank requests of the day?"

The red-head gives a brief nod in his direction. "Ah yes. There's a few more than normal. My favorite had something to do with brutally murdering an ex-boyfriend. I believe she requested that it be carried out with a shovel."

"What a shame." The brown-haired boy says mock disappointment. "You would think the civilians would know at this point that assassinations are at least the cost of a high B-Rank."

"Indeed." Gaara chuckles lightly. Over the years he has come to relax better into his role as Kazekage. The Fourth Shinobi War increased his confidence as a leader even further.

The only real problem he has anymore is avoiding fangirls. Initially he tried to be nice to them and give them the attention they requested, but they quickly became dangerous. Once they started getting into fights and breaking into his home, he had to take a different approach: avoid at all costs.

Kankuro tucks the papers under his arm and directs attention to the scroll he brought in. "They told me to deliver it directly to you. It came in from Kohona a few minutes ago I think."

Gaara looks down at it with a slight frown and picks it up to inspect it. "It's addressed directly to me."

A brown eyebrow rises. "So you weren't expecting anything?"

The Kazekage shakes his head. He has not had any recent discussions with the village, and from what he knows nothing of political significance has occurred in the past few months.

"Maybe Hokage-sama wants to invite you over for a nice tea party?"

Gaara snorts lightly at his brother's bad attempt at humor as he opens the message.

 _A Kohona medic-nin, Haruno Sakura, has been reported missing two weeks ago. We have reason to suspect a kidnapping. Her absence is currently confidential, but we would like to inform our allies to in case any relevant information is discovered outside of our territory. Since the victim is a valuable resource to our village, we are willing to compensate Suna for any expenses that lead to the medic's safe return._

 _Rokudaime Hokage, Hatake Kakashi._

Gaara's hands clench tightly onto the edges of the paper, and the edges of his vision begin to grow white.

"Gaara…?" Kankuro asks tentatively. The murderous expression on his younger brother's face brings back quite a few grim memories of a much smaller red-headed boy.

After a few more moments without response, Kankuro walks over to the other side of the desk and places a hand comfortingly on his little brother's shoulder.

"Everything alright?"

The physical contact is enough to remind Gaara of his place. It's not the time to get upset. He needs to act as Kazekage before he focuses on his personal reaction to the news.

When he looks up at his brother, Gaara lets out a short sigh and relaxes. He understands that frustration will accomplish nothing at the moment. Action is what will make the largest difference, and Gaara plans to make sure Suna does everything it can.

He shoos his brother away from the desk so he can pull a blank document from the drawer. As he fills it out, he debriefs his brother on his role in Suna's response.

"Kankuro. I am temporarily placing you in charge of the patrols. Kohona does not want this information spread, so I trust that you will be able to do take the appropriate actions without informing your subordinates as to why."

Kankuro's eyes widen, but he dares not refuse Gaara's orders even though it means more work. However, his brother had yet to touch on what exactly he will be acting on. What could have possibly happened in Kohona that has Gaara this worked up?

"Information being…?" He dares to ask.

"Sakura is missing and we are going to make damn sure she isn't in the Land of Wind."

oooooooooo

oooooooooo

Sakura is satisfied with her Suna herb collection, but she hasn't even began tapping into the other vast sources of poison in this country.

The flora has been cataloged and nor her next step is the fauna.

She stopped at one of the villages to buy a few more containers for the specimen she wants to keep alive. Unfortunately, she cannot keep larger creatures, such as snakes, around, and will have to settle for extracting what venom in their bodies when she encounters them. Her smaller sources will be better kept alive. Since they have significantly less poison immediately available, harvesting it over time would prove to be more beneficial.

It's not long after she exits the small village that she finds her first target.

Standing still a few feet from the path is a little red scorpion. As Sakura approaches it, it remains still. As if it fails to register her as a predator. She wonders for a moment if it's even still alive.

It's supposed lack of fear makes catching it quite easy. She quickly scoops it up in a jar and closes the lid.

oooooooooo

oooooooooo

"Oh, and Kankuro," Gaara says before his brother has the chance to leave the room. "Start by sending extra men to investigate around the southern post station. There was a suspicious incident reported in the region a few days ago."

 **AN: I hope this chapter wasn't too bad. Please leave reviews!**


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